Dear Crapweasel...

Dear Crapweasel,
Allow me the opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my colon for all your pearls of wisdom. Without your brilliant, Dr. Phil type of insight I would not have realized that I’m a complete fucking moron and a bully. I would not have realized that it is only your opinion that matters and, in sharing an opinion that differs from your own - even though I am fully capable of defending my opinion with facts where as your defence comes in the form of attacks against my person – I have proven myself to be your lesser. Finally, I would not have come to realize the laundry list of my shortcomings. I’ll try to remember my place and keep my mouth shut lest I cause you any further irritation with my mindless prattle.

It happens so often that I forget that remarks about stupid people are only funny to those who aren’t completely fucking daft. I do deserve the personal attacks for this. Thank you very much for stepping in as valiantly as the Catholic Church to tell me what a wicked person I am and denigrating me so that I may change this to earn redemption. In your brilliant, all-knowingness I am humbled. I will forsake my wilful, thinking ways and become your lemming, following with absolute conviction every turn you make until I can take the plunge with you into nothingness, as only in doing so will I prove that my intelligence is almost that of yours.

In closing, I beg the freedom to follow in the truly great footsteps of your mother and procreate with a sheep so that I may beget an offspring that may, someday, if fortune smiles upon myself and that child, be nearing your magnificence.

With all the respect due to one such as yourself,

Erika